My Journey
The last time an intimate relationship came to an end for me, I was hurt, confused, angry and resistant. I didn’t want it to end, and couldn’t understand why he did.
Initially I went through the list of things that must be wrong with me, and I began the painful spiral into low self esteem, lack of confidence and self pity, feeling betrayed and abandoned, angry and resentful, a deep sadness bordering on depression, and a general lack of interest in all that inspired me up to that point. I believe it's called suffering.
But it was a grieving process that had two sides, one previously identified as suffering or a deep resistance to what is, a going against the flow that Esther Hicks would call rowing my boat upstream. We've all been in that boat.
The other... a quiet acceptance, a knowing that as painful as this was, there was a deeper meaning behind what I was going through, there was a message my soul was trying to reveal to me, a truth about myself that would only aid in my journey towards increased emotional coherence, and sustainable peace.
Whether or not I liked it, this experience was the best way for me to get that message and I knew that the longer I took to accept the process the longer I would wait for the valuable gifts and growth it would bring.
So I made the decision that I would experience this ‘separation’ with all the presence I could muster. With the use of every tool I intuitively chose, I would do my best to accept what it seemed I couldn’t change – i.e. I love him while he’s leaving me, and change what I could, which was my desire or need to convince, force, blame, hurt, make guilty, wrong, and responsible for all manner of pain and unmet conditional expectations
Oh, there were days that I spent kicking and screaming, but for the most part, as long as I stayed deeply honest with myself, the kicking and screaming was followed by increased clarity and a deeper commitment to my own process and growth.
I didn't have My Peace Deck then, but I did have the need to be reminded over and over again that no matter what I was feeling about him, the reflection, once explored, was always about me. Most of the affirmations on the cards came out of that time and need.
Sometimes what appears to be a broken heart is simply the journey to an open heart.
I’ve always known unconditional love was possible; taking this journey makes it so.
with love
Veronica Ciandre
